Dreaming

Exposure

Following up on the last post of the two vivid dreams, I had a third, related to my teacher.  Again, it reached to the heights of profoundness in my memory of dreams.  It is one that I can still write about months later because its impact on me ran so deeply that it’s etched in my permanent memory.

There I was, meeting up with my teacher and one of her friends whom I did not recognize in the dream.  They had spent the day out capturing lots of photography when I ran into them.  My teacher was SO delighted with the amount of film she had used and the work she had done.  However, the mood rapidly changed as we were somehow informed that the photographs they had taken were not allowed, they were illegal or prohibited or something along those lines.  The reasoning behind this was never made clear to me, nor who was the one making this decision.

I began to get upset.  I started to feel slightly angry and distraught, because the implications were that the film was to be destroyed before we could ever get a glimpse into the magic of what had been captured.  I could not believe it!  It was as if someone had torn my heart out, knowing how much work and pride had gone into this project by my teacher.  I was devastated, as well, at the thought of the pain that would bring to her.  I did not want her to have to feel that.

To make the scenario even more intriguing, my teacher carried the large wad of film over to me, looked me in the eyes and told me directly that I was the one who would have to destroy it.  Unbelievable.  I felt flooded with dread and pure anguish that I just could not understand.  I desperately did not want to be the one responsible for bringing that kind of misery to someone.  But I was the one who had to tear open that protective packaging keeping the film safe and expose it to the light.  Wow, what powerful imagery this reflected from the reality of accelerated healing I was experiencing in the waking world.  It was understood that I would then be required to place the exposed film in a bucket of clear, still water.

I broke down into a sobbing pile of limp bones at the feet of my teacher, clinging tightly to her left leg in the hopes that she would not put that kind of responsibility upon me.  I felt unable to breathe.  She lovingly and reassuringly put one hand on my back, in a gesture that conveyed the sense that all would be OK.

Shortly after this, I found out my teacher received her MFA in photography and that she is a profound bringer of loving guidance to my life, as well as touching countless others.  I am blessed for this message I received and for having her in my reality, as well.

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Information Download

For the last two nights, I have been woken up at probably exactly at 4 am.  Yes, that is morning, but it’s not like I sit right up and say, “Yes, it’s 4 am!”  It’s more like I wake out of sleep and half realize there’s still no light coming from behind the curtains and my eyes refuse to stay open more than a few seconds to check that.  Basically, I lay there wondering why…what is with 4 am?  Usually it happens more frequently during PMS and I have a bit of a hot flash that wakes me in a sweat and I have to quickly take off some layers of clothing and blankets, only to find myself feeling chilled again within a few minutes.  Oh, sweet hormones, how I love thee.  😉

But the last two nights have been peculiar.  The first I was awakened by a dream, perhaps.  I cannot be sure, because this time many people were talking to me.  I could hear distinct conversations being spoken to me.  These were not just ordinary conversations.  These people were trying to converse with me.  They seemed slightly desperate.  They seemed to all be trying to talk over one another so they could get their urgent information heard .  And to make it a truly unique experience, the woman who is teaching a new class I have started on psychic development and spirit communication was also there in my dream.  She appears to be aiding me in listening to the spirits.

Last night, I was also stirred awake in the same way, but the teacher was more prominent.  She was asking me direct questions that were suppose to aid me in focusing on the information being passed to me.  However, all I remember feeling was that there was too much information being given to me and I could not make sense of it.  There were just too many voices.  I think I remember seeing the people who were trying to communicate with me, as well.

Despite all this vivid recall, these precious visions were probably no more than split seconds long and my consciousness could not retain any of the words spoken at all.  The memory is visual and feeling and hearing, but no words remain.  Even while I lay there wishing I could go back.  The stomach pain took over more of my consciousness and the hot flash, too.  Then I lay there for hours, not willing to get up and meditate with the spirits (as suggested to me, since that is the time of high activity) and unable to get back to sleep.

Doors are opening.  Slowly.

I did probably get another half an hour of sleep before my alarm went off and I vividly remember another dream that was kind of wacky and crazy.  I am going to visit some close friends in DC this week and so they were first in my dream.  My two closest friends were driving and they stopped the car at an intersection.  It was a tiny, tiny car, like a smart car.  They both got out and told me to drive to the movie theater, that it was only up the street, and they would meet me there.  I was confused, but OK.  It was a standard car and I had never driven standard, so I was all over the place with the thing, having trouble with clutch and break, etc.  I nearly slammed into a plow truck at a stop light.  Finally I managed to pull over at a restaurant, unable to find the place they said to go, I don’t think I could maneuver the car that far.  So, I got out and went to the bar and I knew a lot of the people working there.  The special part of this dream was the vampire near the end.  She was breathtaking and seriously ready to bite.  I have never dreamed of vampires before.  Exciting.

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Dream Art & Movie Inspiration

by Me 12/2011

I’ve been so full of ideas lately.  But I know I need to create more art in my life, so after 7 months of being completely dry of any art-creating, I started out with some baby steps (see above).  In addition, I have had the idea of creating my own tarot deck.  I was first inspired by an art group started on meetup.com called Soul Collage or something.  I am not sure I will ever make it to one of their meetings, but they came up with the idea of making your own personal deck of collaged cards.  Then I thought of making my own tarot as I go along.  I do not want to make cards using the same old themes, I want to be more original, so I may focus them on dreaming…?  I do not know, but I think I will continue working on the ideas little by little and see what develops.

Just a few moments ago, I was greeted by a lovely email about a new meetup group called Intuitive Painting…woohoo!

Today’s horoscope on my phone: (always so relevant)

A recent disappointment or setback my have left you feeling disillusioned about a dream.  But you need your dreams, Libra.  They give you the great hope of fulfilling your true purpose here on Earth.  Your dreams are your most pure expression of yourself.  Don’t allow anyone to make you feel small or foolish for holding on to a special dream.  Even though you have not yet found success with it, you need to keep the passion burning.  This is an auspicious day for bringing a dream back to life.  Find a way to inspire yourself again.

I did manage to do a bit of self inspiring today, because each day is filled with little miracles.  I had been feeling disillusioned about what I had just been feeling total excitement from; reading and using The Secret.  The blast of fresh freedom air I had felt I gained from reading the book had sort of escaped my lungs after some personal setback punches in the chest in the last few weeks.  My enthusiasm seems to sway back and forth between total belief and uncertainty.  I woke up a few days feeling unsure as to whether I could keep up the new, strong beliefs I know will help my life become more balanced and abundant.  However, I managed to remember to find the kindness in my heart to allow myself the space to feel whatever it is that I needed to feel, with the knowledge that I can waver from my mighty inner warrior who is determined to arrive at the best place.  I am allowed to put down my unyielding shield and sit back on the bench of uncertainty.  It is in those times of ambiguity and uneasiness that I find the best teachers of wisdom within.  As strange as that sounds.  However, it must be done with kindness and as non-judgmentally as possible.  Too much judgment gets in the way of listening to one’s inner voice that knows exactly what you want and how to get there.

Back to today, after plenty of catch-up sleep, I had a friend visit, one who was there for me during my struggles with unemployment many times, and tried to help as much as possible.  I provided dinner and a movie.  It felt nice to give back.  And to share lottery tickets, so if one or the other wins that $173M on Saturday, we’ll be sharing it.  🙂

The movie was, of course, inspiring to me, since it was played on my tv, which I always create a bubble around and ask it to only show me positive messages and things that will help me on the path.  The movie is called, Our Idiot Brother, and sounded just like another totally goofy waste of time.  But it turned out to be a great movie, one that reminds us of the importance of honesty and being true to everyone out of love.  It is how I would like to live my life and continue to advance toward.  It was such a feel good movie that I think I will watch it again tomorrow night.  🙂

Our Idiot Brother Trailer: http://youtu.be/CfyHY58lqCk

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“How Shamans Dream the World Into Being”

Lately, every single thing I read or come across is relevant and syncs with my current path of inquiry.  That’s how I know it’s right.  Here’s an article from Spirit of Change Magazine:

We are what we think.
Everything we are arises from our thoughts.
With our thinking we create the world.
— Buddha

How Shamans Dream the World Into Being

Whether you realize it or not, we are all dreaming the world into being. What we’re engaging in is not the sleeping dream we’re familiar with, but the waking dream we craft with our eyes open. When we’re unaware that we all share the power to co-create reality with the help of the universe itself, that power slips away from us and our dream turns into a nightmare. We begin to feel we’re the victims of an unknown and frightening creation that we’re unable to influence or change. Events seem to control us and trap us.

The only way to end this dreadful reality is to awaken to the fact that it, too, is a dream, and recognize our ability to write a better story, one that the universe will work with us to manifest. As soon as you awaken to your power to dream, you begin to flex the muscles of your courage. Then you can dream bravely: letting go of your limiting beliefs and pushing past your fears. You can begin to create truly original dreams that germinate in your soul and bear fruit in your life.

Courageous dreaming allows you to create from the source, the quantum soup of the universe where everything exists in a latent or potential state. Physicists understand that in the quantum world of the universe’s smallest, elemental parts, nothing is “real” until it is observed. But quantum events do not occur in the laboratory only. They also happen inside our brain, on this page, and everywhere around us. When you observe any part of this dream, the great matrix of energy, you can change reality and alter the entire dream.

Modern physics is describing what the ancient wisdomkeepers of the Americas have long known. These shamans, known as the Earthkeepers, say that we are dreaming the world into being through the very act of witnessing it. Scientists believe that we are only able to do this in the very small, subatomic world. Shamans understand that we also dream the larger world that we experience with our senses. Like the Aborigines, the Earthkeepers live in a world where the dreamtime has not been pushed into the domain of sleep like it has for us. They know that all of creation arises from, and returns to, this dreamtime.

The dreamtime, the creative matrix, does not exist in a place outside of us. Rather, it infuses all matter and energy, connecting every creature, every rock, every star, and every ray of light or bit of cosmic dust. The power to dream is the power to participate in creation itself. For the Earthkeepers, dreaming reality is not only an ability, but a duty, one we must perform with grace and love so that our grandchildren will inherit a world where they can live in peace and abundance.

Shamans of the Andes and the Amazon believe that we can only access the power of this force by raising our level of consciousness. When we do so, we become aware that we’re like a drop of water in a vast, divine ocean, distinct yet immersed in something much larger than ourselves. It’s only when we experience our connection to infinity that we’re able to dream powerfully. In fact, it’s our sense of separation from infinity that makes us become trapped in a nightmare in the first place. To end the nightmare, to reclaim our power of dreaming reality and craft a better reality, we need to have a visceral understanding of our dreaming power in every cell of our body and stop feeling disassociated and disconnected. If we don’t get beyond mere intellectual understanding of this concept, we’ll end up lowering the bar and creating a far less glorious and beautiful experience of the world than we’re capable of crafting. It takes courage to taste infinity.

The Earthkeepers believe that the world is real, but only because we are dreaming it into being. When we lack courage, we have to settle for the world that is being dreamed by our culture or by our genes — the nightmare. To dream courageously and be empowered, you must be willing to use your heart and make a conscious decision to dream a sacred dream of joy, peace, glory and having the life you want.

Excerpted with permission from Courageous Dreaming: How Shamans Dream The World Into Being by Alberto Villoldo, PhD. (2008, Hay House)

Alberto Villoldo, PhD, is a medical anthropologist and psychologist who has studied the spiritual practices of the Amazon and the Andes for more than 25 years. Author of numerous best-selling books, including Shaman, Healer, Sage, The Four Insights, Courageous Dreaming and Power Up Your Brain, Alberto is the founder of The Four Winds Society, and instructs individuals throughout the world in the practice of energy medicine. Visit www.thefourwinds.com.

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Dream Traveling Again…

This morning I was awakened in a curious manner, but not one that I am completely new to.  I went to bed around midnight, hoping to sleep until 8 or 9am to feel refreshed for a day of working at a Reiki Clinic, but I awoke at 7:30, startled by someone trying to shake me awake, struggling to make my eyes open in order to respond to this person, sheer confusion as to where the hell I was, striking fear as to why they wouldn’t stop and kept getting a little too violating, and reorienting as to which place was real.

The dream started out in a meeting with my old psychotherapist, Annie, with whom I have not worked with in nearly 4 years.  In real life, we have recently opened up communication again briefly seeing if we may want to do more work together.  So, in the dream we are meeting again.  However, we are meeting in a noisy and turbulent setting, instead of the quiet and peace of a single office.  It appears to be a sort of lunch/cafeteria eating area.  The only conversation I remember is as Annie begins to tell me that if we run into each other in public or are attending the same event of some sort, we are not to act like we know each other, we are not to converse at those places because that is her policy.

I remember speaking directly to her about how that made me feel hurt.  How can I trust her to know all about me and then pretend that she does not know me at all?  Well, she begins to get bitter and annoyed with me, saying something about me not truly wanting her help then.  I can see her getting angry.  She averts her eyes, she moves away from me and starts doing other things, as if to convey that our conversation is over.  I practically have to chase her around this loud, chaotic place.  I remember feeling conflicted on the inside about whether I wanted to spend money on this situation, yet really feeling so much love for her.  I was torn and feeling sad about her anger with me.  Finally she sits down at a long lunch table filled with other strangers, I have to slide all the way to the other end to get closer to her, as she hands out, what appears to be, cheeseburgers to everyone at the table.

Next thing I know, I’m in another place completely.  The feeling is that it is some part of Ireland or England with grassy hills and flowing streams.  I’m climbing up the side of this small stream that is flowing up and over the top, downward toward me, and I’m in my current house slippers.  I need to get to the top and over to the other side for some reason.  There is a sizable hand-shaped stone that is hanging over the stream at the top of the hill, sort of guiding the water and pointing outward toward nothing really.  When I get up to it, I think to myself that I know what this will do if I try to use it (as in using it to help me climb) and I simply push upward on it and it easily moves.  I push it off the top and watch it tumble down the hill, splashing its way down.

I scramble over the top without much to see on the other side but more of the same type of landscape.  I am trying to reach a certain place.  I throw my slippers over the top, because the land where I can stand again without climbing is not that far down and I am hoping to keep the slippers dry.  As I hop on down toward the slippers, my weight causes them to sink into the mud a bit and fill with water anyway.  Damn, I’m going to have to have wet feet all day again.

Then, as I look up, some people appear.  From this higher vantage point, I can see the landscape I have just come from for untold miles and it shifts and changes quietly, as expected in the dream world.  I get a bit hesitant about whether these are friends or foes.  One comes flying at me on what appears to be a small hover board across the bodies of water making up the landscape.  She’s mostly in white and the board is white.  And I remember thinking, damn, she just traveled over all that space in a fraction of time it took me to walk!

The conversation is muddled in my memory, but the other guys who felt very Viking-like pointed in the direction I was heading and said something about the place we were all heading back to.  I think they wanted me to join them, but I denied their request as they moved passed me and continued on their way.

Next thing I know, I think I’m napping in that same place I had just climbed to, even sleeping practically in the stream, but not all the way.  And this is where the shaking began, in the dream.  I was laying on my right side, as I was in the real world, as well.  Two hands began to shake me on the left, exposed side.  I had some time in astral catalepsy, in the dream, where I wanted to wake up and respond to the person trying to signal me to wake up, but my eyes would just not open.  I felt like I was moving my head to turn and look in their direction, but I could not pry my eyes open.  I could even see the bright light through my eyelids and I felt like I was trying to force them open for a while.  The rest of my body was useless, of course.  The shaking became more intense and I felt like the hands were getting too violating, growing too close to me under the armpit, like it was going to pick me up.

I was filled with a bit of panic mixed with terror and anxiety…what the hell was going to happen to me?  Finally, the catalepsy broke and I opened my eyes into the real world and was filled with the strangest tingling, much like a full-body shiver, but much deeper, and most of it radiated from the places on my body where the hands were and then it traveled down my body out my feet.  It felt like a long shiver and I almost felt like I couldn’t wait for it to end, although it probably lasted no more than 10 seconds.

I picked up my head, half expecting to see someone there, feeling scared.  However, there was nothing there, as the other half of me knew would be the case.  I said out loud, please leave me alone.  I know that shiver/chill, it belongs to the other side.  It is not my first encounter with being touched from the other side.

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