White Car, White Clouds

For some reason, this mornings’ dreams lead me to remember the amazing gift and undeniably beautiful message I was delivered through a dream from my father.  Over the last year I have come to the realization that my father who died 17 years ago is one of my guardian angels.  There is no doubt in my mind of that.  The mere fact that I survived all the wild days of my life and adventures with minimal harm and few scars, speaks mountains to the fact that I am being guarded with uncommon and extraordinary vigilance (even though I did my best to push its limits and begged to be freed of this world).  No matter what, I come out of every situation unscathed (after some slight recovery time), and usually bored with my “good luck charm” characteristics that my sister used to attribute to me.  I no longer take that quality for granted, of course.

It started with my first experience in connecting with spirit.  It arrived unexpectedly, as I spent a full day in September, 2010 at a health/wellness/spirituality expo.  I attended one of the free hour-long workshops and I don’t even remember the name of it or the women conducting it.  But it was my first experience with a medium.  I’d had a few experiences with psychics before, but this was new.  I was somewhat skeptical that the people she was reading for in the audience were paid actors who they set up to be part of the show.  And I still felt this skeptical feeling even though the validation she was bringing to these people from their dead loved ones was making me cry!  Well, as soon as we started to do a group exercise in grounding and centering and then some psychometry with our neighbor we’d never met before, I felt my father’s presence.  And then I began to realize that the sort of stabbing feeling in my right shoulder where my ugly mole lives was him standing behind me, poke, poke, poking me…like, here I am, pay attention to me, you brat!  Nah, nah, nah, nah!  As he would have done in his jokester manner.  The tears flowed heavily with this major realization!  My father, who I’d nearly denied the energy of even a few thoughts for years and years is now standing right there with me!?!

I pushed it under the mat of my rational mind so I could collect myself and carry on with life, not quite sure what to do with this information.  What was also nice, was that my neighbor that I was practicing psychometry with, got only one image for me, and that was the White Wolf; a symbol that is still significant to me.

Anyway, I believe it was shortly after that expo that I welcomed a momentous gift in the form of a dream from my father.  I took a four-day, what I call, self-cleansing retreat in a cabin in the woods in the western part of the state.  I was free to wander the woods, meditate with nature, study my tarot, and truly unwind.

One night, in the dream, I found myself sitting in the back seat of the last car my dad drove.  It had belonged to my grandmother before that, so it was quite a seasoned machine, but so well made, it never broke down.  It was totally white.  The gi-normous front end stuck out for what seemed like miles and the leather/vinyl interior was totally white.  My father was sitting at the wheel sort of driving, as we were not on any road, we were moving slowly and peaceful through the clouds.  I could not see his face because of the angle from where I was in the back.  I could only see the back of his head and his gigantic smile in the rear-view mirror.

At first, I said, where are we going?  And then I started to cry and become angry, like why won’t he speak to me, why is he teasing me like this?  Next, I asked him, why are you doing this?  I believe I saw a tear run down his cheek even as he continued to smile.

And this is still as fresh in my memory as a real memory would be…perhaps even better preserved, because I have not spoken this or written this too much at all since.

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